A few weeks ago I took what I consider my first “adult” vacation. I ventured to Martha’s Vineyard with a group of close friends and it was a week of nothing but love, laughter and realizations. One of those realizations came late after dinner one night. We were all huddled in a room and naturally the topic of relationships/dating came up as it does amongst 20-somethings. At this point in the trip I hadn’t shared much about my dating life because, as far as I’m concerned, nothing is happening in that area – I’m talking desert dry, tumbleweed included – so there was nothing to report. Regardless, I found myself opening up about my more recent forays into the world of dating, which have left a lot to be desired and have had me believing I’ve been doing something wrong.
Turns out I have.For the sake of time and attention spans, I worry about too many things I shouldn’t be worrying about. For one, I’ve developed qualifiers based off of what I’ve seen in other’s relationships and have (ignorantly) determined won’t work for me in my relationship. Another, is being so guarded because I’m afraid of giving my loyalty to someone and having it thrown back in my face, which I’ve experienced before. And it sucks. I have a tendency of giving someone a chance, quickly discovering that they’re not cutting it, and that I am simply trash at dating. After the conversation, I determined that I am in fact trash at dating because I’m trying to control too many things at once. Luckily, it’s fixable and only requires a bit of refocusing.
So what SHOULD I be focused on? The MVP (minimum viable product). MVP is defined as “a product with just enough features to gather validated learning about the product and its continued development.”(source). I know, “Girl, what does this have to do with dating?” Stay with me here. When applied to your dating life and how you date, the MVP is the absolute, core quality you are looking for someone to posses. Checking off the MVP doesn’t mean you’ve found finally found “the one”. Absolutely not. It is however the indicator you can use to determine if you want to and should continue investing time and resources into developing a “product”. Make sense now? I hope so.
Since identifying my MVP, I’ve realized that I’ve known what it is for some time but never gave it the power it deserved in my dating choices. You probably want to know my MVP now. It’s simple (as it should be). A man of God. What’s your MVP?