Life

A Case of the Whys

My quest to get to New York and finagle my way into the fashion industry has thus far been painstakingly unfruitful. It seems like I keep hitting road block after road block. A promising window of opportunity appears and as I’m making my way towards it, it slams in my face.  I’m trying my absolute hardest to not get discouraged and continue holding onto my hope and standing on my faith but some days I’m ready to climb down, let go and give up.

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Da Real MVP | Why I’m Trash at Dating + What I’m Doing About It

A few weeks ago I took what I consider my first “adult” vacation. I ventured to Martha’s Vineyard with a group of close friends and it was a week of nothing but love, laughter and realizations. One of those realizations came late after dinner one night. We were all huddled in a room and naturally the topic of relationships/dating came up as it does amongst 20-somethings. At this point in the trip I hadn’t shared much about my dating life because, as far as I’m concerned, nothing is happening in that area – I’m talking desert dry, tumbleweed included – so there was nothing to report. Regardless, I found myself opening up about my more recent forays into the world of dating, which have left a lot to be desired and have had me believing I’ve been doing something wrong.

Turns out  I have. (more…)

Down

I’m in a slump and I haven’t wanted to admit it out loud. The past couple of weeks I have been feeling incredibly “off”. Things are shifting and I’m trying to find my place, my solid ground, my launching pad to keep growing. I’m in this space of feeling like I’m continuously falling short in multiple areas of my life. I’m trying so hard to reach this abstract place of being on and poppin’ 24/7/365 in my professional and personal life, although I don’t know that that’s humanly possible. In short, I’m feeling defeated and that I’m not good enough, which is tough to admit.

I know in my heart of hearts that I am good enough. I know this won’t last and the space I’m in is temporary. God designed me with the mind and heart to win and I will. Life exists in a series of peaks and valleys and I’m in the midst of a valley right now. I’m only truly defeated if I stay here. And I won’t.

I already feel better by being able to get those thoughts out of my head and “talking” it out. Clearing the bad thoughts to make room for the good ones.

“Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even.”

-Muhammad Ali-

Limitless

At the top of 2016 I made a promise to myself that I would begin traveling solo. It was all part of this journey I embarked on my sophomore year of undergrad to become completely comfortable with being and acting alone — read more about that in my previous post, #Goals.

My plan was to start with trips close to home and expand from there. Per usual, my plan was not THE plan because I’ve officially completed my first solo trip abroad. Yea, that escalated quickly. (more…)

Living On Purpose

Lving On Purpose

I’m sure you’ve been there. You have an idea in your head of why you choose to do or believe certain things but can never quite piece together the abstract thoughts into a nice and cohesive package to present to the public. It’s even more difficult when it’s not a mainstream thought,  so when you do take a stab at explaining…no one seems to understand you — partly because you don’t have the nice presentable package of thoughts. And by you, I mean me. Well, I’ve found someone who gets me and she is a middle-aged white woman, Dr. Meg Jay.

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Challenge Accepted: The Whole 30

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This Sunday I will embark on my first Whole 30 journey.

If you’re not familiar, The Whole 30 is a nutritional program where you only eat whole and unprocessed foods for a consecutive 30 days. The goals in this is to “help you put an end to unhealthy cravings and habits, restore a healthy metabolism, heal your digestive tract, and balance your immune system”(source). Sounds easy enough right? The program also requires you to cut out all happiness-inducing foods gluten, grain, dairy, sugar, soy and alcohol.

In short, I’m nervous.

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#Goals

Goals2

We are already at the halfway point of January, which is insane and basically means 2016 is pretty much over. Awesome! Jokes aside, my 2016 is off to a fantastic start. I was promoted at work, have some exciting trips to look forward to, already set some 2017 goals, and I discovered DJ Khaled on Snapchat (obviously the most exciting).

A question was posed to me about a week ago: What are the three things you are working on to kick 2016’s ass? Great question, right? Well I figured I’d share my answers. Partly because this blog is all about sharing and also studies show that it’s a great idea to write these things down somewhere for accountability and to help with manifestation.

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Wounds

Back in October a video was circulating around Facebook called “I’m Not That Girl – For Every Woman Who Has Never Felt Like ‘That Girl’.” (Source: Buzzfeed). As the (admittedly long) title reveals, this video is a spoken word ode to the girls who aren’t, never have been and probably never will be “that girl.” If you haven’t seen it, I highly suggest you watch it right now, just promise you won’t get sucked into the Buzzfeed blackhole and come back to finish reading this post.

Albeit embarrassing…halfway through this video I started balling. (more…)

No not the Eminem song. I’ve literally been cleaning out my closet for the past few months but not the “Oh I can part with this shirt from the 7th grade” type of cleaning. I mean a deep purge. I know cleaning out one’s closet seems like a pretty normal (albeit tedious) task but this time around it’s carrying a much deeper and symbolic meaning for me. I’m getting rid of the faux-me. The pieces that went into the me I thought I “had to be” or was “supposed to be” are currently sitting in a partially ripped DSW paper bag.

To look at my closet pre-purge, I would see elements of other people and what I thought I had to be for them. There were the dainty sundresses and pearl necklaces to appear soft, feminine  and perfectly Southern. Or the club heels and bandage skirts I’d wear to parties and feel slightly uncomfortable in, knowing good and well I hate clubs/club attire/all things club-ish. (Seriously though, what’s the appeal? There’s nowhere to sit, heels hurt, drinks are overpriced, guys are annoying, and IT’S HOT! But I digress.). All of this for the sake of fitting in.

I feel like I always knew who I truly was or wanted to be. I saw glimpses of her in high-school when I wore mismatched neon knee-highs or my red patent leather wedges. I saw her in the silhouettes and colors I was drawn to but deemed “unfeminine” or “too hard”. Over the years she got drowned out by the self-imposed pressures to present myself a certain way in order to project a certain image. More importantly, I’ve realized I was doing these things for others more than for myself. Beyond clothing, this desire led me to hide away or subdue parts of my personality. I’d try to be super bubbly to dull my natural sarcasm or attempt to be more flirtatious (and Lord knows I can NOT flirt) and not display my full intelligence, as to not be too intimidating.  I would hold back from sharing my honest thoughts and opinions. I did all of this because I wanted the mark of approval of others. So, little by little, I’d don the items and tuck away pieces to gain whoever’s approval I was seeking at the time. Yet once I was alone, I’d feel a little off, empty, and wishing I’d had the guts to do or say what I really felt but didn’t because of fear of disapproval.

Now I am cutting myself some slack because the journey to finding, knowing and confidently rocking your real self takes time and well…confidence, which I was severely lacking for quite some time. Of course when you’re younger and trying to fit in, you’ll wear a plaid skirt and polo with Birkenstocks like everyone else in the 7th grade because you really did think it was cool. However, once I had the moment of enlightenment (almost a decade later), I realized I owed it to myself to focus more on finding the real me and worry less about everyone else. So now, I’m buying what I’m drawn to and trying new things out. I’m speaking up more and sharing my thoughts, even if it goes against everyone else (this still makes me uncomfortable at times). I’m allowing myself to exist in a way that makes ME feel great and doing so with increasing confidence. Like most things, this is still a work in progress because confidence takes time to build up but I like to think I’ve been getting pretty comfortable as my real self. It’s nice to finally meet her.